That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
