He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
