You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
