wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
