I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
