Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
