you guys were way drunker than both of me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
