just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
