Sry I called you an 8
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
