Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
