Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
