It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
