He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
