Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
