I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
