So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
