Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
