i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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