Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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