Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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