P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
