Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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