Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
