Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
