4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
