This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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