I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
