I wish I could teleport
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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