So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
