you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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