Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
