she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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