I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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