shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
