Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
