i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
