stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
