My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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