so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
