i used baking grease as lip gloss
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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