Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why do cheetos always look like penises
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
