...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
