Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
