hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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