youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
