Pappa wants mamma naked
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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