in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
