Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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