I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
