Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
