Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
